Fade
by mutantpenguins
Summary: People aren't my thing, especially not people who look at me and see my other, Sora. So why can't I ignore this silver-haired young man? One-shot, Roxas-centric, one-sided Roxas/Riku, implied Riku/Sora. Rated T for Roxas' occastional swearing.


This bugged Ember to the point where she couldn't keep going on her work in progress in Fullmetal Alchemist land. She saw clips of the epic fight between Roxas and Riku and couldn't help but wonder at the backstory. What is in the clips, though, was modified ever so slightly by artistic license, although the gist is still there.

Thanks for reading, lovelies! Please review at the end; Ember's really not sure how well this turned out.

* * *

_Fade_

I sit in a spot somewhere in The World that Never Was. I'm not exactly sure where I am, but it's away from the others, and that's enough for me. Besides, I can transport myself to the castle without knowing where exactly I am in relation to it.

Nobodies can't feel, or at least that's what Xemnas tells me. I've never really believed him, though. It honestly surprised me to see the lack of emotions the Organization members displayed in the whole Castle Oblivion fiasco. Then again, I've always been a little different.

I was always at least a little bit irritated with the others. It didn't occur to me as abnormal until I realized that _I shouldn't be able to feel_.

None of the others can, so why can I? I don't know, exactly. At the moment I've attributed it to the person whose Nobody I am. A keyblade master's Nobody would be a little out of the ordinary, wouldn't it?

That's also why I think I can wield keyblades myself. I try not to think about that one too much, though; it tends to give me a headache and get me nowhere.

So here I sit, pondering my existence rather peacefully until I realize someone is nearby.

Summoning the Oathkeeper keyblade, I stand and look around. Who is here, and why? It isn't one of the Nobodies; I can sense this person's heart. So how did whoever this is get here, onto a supposedly nonexistent world?

Finally I see him. He is wearing the cloak all Organization XIII members wear, though I know he is not one of us. I know all of the members, even if the beating of his heart wasn't a dead giveaway. He has long silver hair, and vaguely I wonder what color his eyes are before staring in shock.

This young man is wearing a blindfold.

His face turns in my direction. "You look just like him," he says rather cryptically.

Of course, this only serves to irritate me. "Look like _who_? And how can you tell what I look like anyway? You're wearing a blindfold!"

He smiles. "I don't need to see to know who you are, Sora."

Ugh! Does anyone ever _shut up_ about that?! I'm not my other, and I never will be. "You've got the wrong guy," I snarl. "I'm not your precious Sora."

His smile widens, almost becoming a smirk. "No, but we both know who you are. The two of you are connected and you know it."

Was this young man ever this infuriating to Sora? Pushing the thought aside to mull over later, I decide to get this over with, whatever exactly this is. "What the hell do you want with me, anyway?"

"Really?" he says. "I just wanted to find you. You're a pretty important guy, you know. Nobodies of keyblade masters are a pretty hot commodity."

I brandish said keyblade threateningly. "I'm not doing anything for you just because you know my other."

He laughs. Not just some chuckle that doesn't mean anything; he finds this situation amusing enough to laugh outright. "We'll talk later, don't you worry."

Just like that, he is gone.

Who the hell does this guy think he is, anyway, interrupting my quiet time like that?! And since when can anyone come up to me and call me by my other's name?

I decide that even though I'm technically not supposed to feel anything, _I do not like this person._

* * *

Of course, because I decide that, he decides to meet me on an almost daily basis. Sometimes we talk, though I make sure to keep the conversation as one-sided as possible and away from who and what I am. Sometimes we spar, though I notice he doesn't seem to want to actually cause me harm.

Since today is a quiet conversation day, I can't help asking. "Why don't you really attack me when we fight?"

He stares in my direction, or at least I think he does. That stupid blindfold makes it pretty hard to guess what he's actually looking at. His face is turned in my direction, though, so I think I'm pretty safe in guessing he's looking at me. "Wow," he exclaims. "You can actually talk?"

I glare at him. I've said more than my customary one-word grunted replies already. Any more and he might start to think I can actually tolerate him, and we can't have that. People are not and never will be my thing, especially irritating silver-haired snots who only talk to me because of Sora.

"Well," he sighs, deciding to answer my question. "Do you want the long answer or the short answer?"

I figure it's safe to say one more word. "Both," I replied.

"The short answer is that you're connected with someone I care about very much. I hurt him, and I don't want to hurt you. It's too much like hurting him all over again."

Ah. So he's _that_ one. I don't know him personally, and I can't remember his name, but I've heard about him from the Castle Oblivion stories. Sora's friend. He sure doesn't sound like he's just a friend, though, and I must admit I am a little curious. But again, I push that aside for another time.

He continues. "The longer answer involves the fact that darkness lives in me. I'm in control right now, but if I start to actually attack someone I'm worried about it taking over. It's... not pleasant," he shuddered. "I escaped that once, and I'm not sure I can do it again."

I'm not sure what exactly I can say to that. It would be out of character for me to speak anyway, so in the end I say nothing. He doesn't seem to need a reply, though, for he just sits there gazing off at who knows what.

Soon enough he stands, summoning his keyblade. I'm not exactly sure what this one is called, for I've never actually handled it before. Silently I stand, wondering if he is going to initiate a sparring session. However, it seems that isn't the case, because he suddenly hurls the keyblade, hitting a Heartless square on and killing it instantly.

Looking back, he smiles. "It wouldn't do to have that get to someone and let them know you are actually capable of speech, right?"

Then before I can say anything, not that I want to, he opens a portal and vanishes, leaving me to sit and think about what just happened.

I actually voluntarily talked to someone. That was definitely a first.

Before I can ponder that too much, though, I have to leave. I have a mission with Axel today, and I don't want to be on the business end of the fire he wields because I'm late or anything. Burnt to a crisp isn't exactly my favorite look, after all.

* * *

Time passes, and the young man continues to meet me. We fight a bit less, though, since he still seems to wield that ability to get me talking. It's strange, and no one else can do that.

No one else has ever made me feel as much, either. I hated him with all my Nobody existence when we first met, for his insistence on linking me with my other. Now, though...

He treats me like I'm somebody. No one's ever done that to me before. No one's ever asked me how my day was just for the sake of asking. No one's laughed at whatever Demyx did to piss Zexion off before just because I told the story.

No one's ever touched me quite as much, either. He seems obsessed with contact, even though I nearly killed him the first time he helped me to stand. I can do that myself, thank you very much. But he just kept doing it and similar things, until I accepted it as a part of who he is and... began to look forward to it a little.

Sometimes when he looks at me I swear if I had a heart it would be racing. As it is I feel the heat in my cheeks and my uneven breaths. I used to think this was an extreme reaction to him, some kind of truly unwarranted loathing, but I snuck into Zexion's private library and did a little research, blaming it all on Demyx when Zexion found out. He always falls for that one, and really I was too shocked to do much else.

This can't be right. I can't possibly be attracted to someone like that. For starters, he's...

Everything I could want and more.

I really am falling, huh? This is crazy and goes beyond everything I could have ever expected. So naturally, when I look for an explanation, I once again attribute it to my admittedly extraordinary other. Maybe Sora felt just a bit more than friendship toward this young man, and this was just some kind of holdover from who I used to be a part of.

I'm not sure if I'm right, but I really don't want to think about it. Especially not now, because he's here and I don't want to have to think. I just want to enjoy this company while I still can and forget about Sora.

I want to make him forget about Sora, too. It's completely stupid of me, but I want him to look at me without that split second when he sees Sora first. I'm hopelessly jealous of a person who was in a coma watched over by a witch the last time I bothered to check. But that doesn't mean I'm not feeling what I am.

When I fade, and fade I will eventually, I want him to remember me.

Of course, I don't actually tell him any of this. But sometimes he gets this look on his face and I wonder if he already knows.

It doesn't matter. He just drew his keyblade, and we're going to spar. So I'm going to enjoy this while I can and remember when I can't, and that's that.

* * *

The others have noticed that something's up with me. More than once Axel has expressed what concern he can feel because I'm visibly distracted on our missions. Now? Well, he's only about to be more concerned.

I'm going to disappear.

That young man is the key to answers I've never understood. I've been thinking about it for a while, and I have to know.

The last time we met he told me he could tell me whatever I wanted to know about Sora and our connection. I guess he could tell I was curious, even though I had successfully repressed it for a long time.

And so I leave. I know it's dangerous to leave the Organization, but I think it's even more dangerous to not find out what you can when given the opportunity. If I learn about why I can wield a keyblade I might be able to use it even better.

Axel confronts me on my way out, and I leave anyway. No one would miss me there, despite all Axel's protests that he would. He will move on. There will be new missions and new partners, and maybe one day I'll return.

I meet the silver-haired teen in our usual spot, and he smiles. "Anything you want to know?" he asks as he opens a portal to what I recognize as Twilight Town.

Once we've stepped through, I ask, "What's your name, anyway?"

He laughs. "I was expecting something a bit tougher to answer, more philosophical. It's Riku."

_Riku_. I remember that name now, and it certainly suits him well.

Before we can say anything else, we are surrounded by Heartless and we draw our keyblades, quickly disposing of them. There were many, but they were weak, so it was no great challenge for two versed in the ways of fighting with keyblades.

At the end of it we are much closer than I can really feel comfortable with, his chest pressed against my back and his arms wrapped around me from where I tripped right after my final attack. He is laughing. "Never knew someone so good with a keyblade could be such a klutz," he says, not letting me go.

I turn to face him. "Shut up," is my only reply, and it is far more breathless than I would have liked. His face is so close, and if I could only reach up maybe I could finally get that blindfold off him and see his eyes.

Before I can, though, my aim changes, and instead of removing that bit of black cloth my fingers tangle in that long silver hair of his. What is this? I am absolutely mesmerized, afraid to breathe, afraid to move.

Move I do, though, and before I realize what I've done I've said three words I can never take back and I'm kissing him.

Softly but quickly he pushes me away, a sad smile on his lips. "You really are just like him, aren't you?" he whispers.

I am devastated. After all this time, he still thinks of me as my other. Horrified, I disappear, hiding in the shadows, though I don't go far. He's still my ticket to answers, even if I've destroyed whatever else there might have been.

* * *

Quietly I follow Riku to a castle and down a set of stairs. When he enters a room, though, I stand just outside.

A deep voice says something involving my name, though I'm not sure exactly what. Riku laughs. "It was easier than I expected, though I admit maybe I let things get a little far." At least he has the decency to let a little regret into his voice.

The deep voice becomes a little clearer. "And what of his fighting style?"

"I've familiarized myself with it," comes Riku's reply. "If it comes to it to get him to Sora, I'll be able to fight him."

I can't stay and listen to any more of this. Eyes burning, I create a portal to somewhere, anywhere that isn't here.

I find myself on a beach in twilight, with no one around. Perfect. Plenty of time and space to think.

How could he do this to me?! Was everything a ploy, just to get me to Sora so they could join us again? I may only be a Nobody, but I am unique. I am me. Why won't they let me have that?

Why can't Riku see that?

Oh. That's right. Somewhere along the line I let myself forget that he loves Sora.

Still, I can't believe he would do such a thing. Not only did he find me, he tried to lure me in by making me open up! Even the damn sparring had an ulterior motive!

I must admit, though, that Riku was probably under an assumption all too horribly familiar. I think he assumed that like most Nobodies, I barely have a memory of some feelings. I don't think he ever stopped to think he was involving someone who could feel and react to what he was doing, and I can't exactly blame him.

I wish he had taken the chance to get to know me just a little better, though, and stopped seeing me as only Sora's Nobody. Maybe then...

I laugh bitterly. We could never have been anything. I should have known better. I'm a Nobody, and he's not. He deserves someone who actually has a heart to love him back with, not some strange disembodied emotion. He deserves his Sora.

But am I strong enough to accept that and give it to him?

Not yet. Maybe someday I will be, but not right now. So now I am on the run from two formidable foes.

I smile, though I feel hollow inside. Existence was about to get a lot more interesting.

* * *

I run through many a world, not caring where I end up, never staying for longer than a day. This is my existence now.

Vaguely I have to wonder, _Since when did I actually think I could do this?_

Oh, yeah. That's right. That happened when Riku betrayed me.

And so I run, eventually in my lack of care returning to a place I never thought I would.

Somehow I find myself in The World that Never Was.

Well, isn't this ironic. I ran from this place with Riku by my side. Now I am returning here as I run from Riku.

While I'm here, I should find Axel. Maybe I should apologize for leaving him behind like that. It wasn't right, and I knew it, but back then I had exactly one fixation and he didn't have red hair.

I don't really have time, though. Heartless surround me.

This was so much easier to deal with when Riku was with me. As it is, I can still deal with them, though, and to make it a little easier I summon a second keyblade. It is one of my favorites these days, the keyblade Oblivion. With Oathkeeper by its side I think it really sums up my current state of mind.

With two keyblades I defeat most of the Heartless, but suddenly a new wave appears and I am pressed against a skyscraper. Why the hell did we think it was a good idea to build skyscrapers, anyway? They have no point and they add no beauty to our false world.

Looking up, I see silver and black. I snarl. Somehow I knew he had caught up with me.

Running up the skyscraper with keyblades extended, I have every intention of getting up there and making him pay for what he did to me. However, I am thwarted when he begins to fall, summoning a keyblade as one of mine disappears.

Suddenly I realize why Oblivion has been such a favorite of mine. It was one he used.

Then there is no time for sudden realizations. We are fighting.

This has to be the toughest battle I have ever faced. We are very close to evenly matched, and so I settle myself in for a long hard fight.

Finally we take a moment to breathe. "Give up!" I shout at him. As if I'm going to lose. I know the consequences now.

Then he does the worst possible thing he could do to me, breaking my nonexistent heart all over again. "Come on, Sora!" he shouts. "I know you can do better than that!"

Despite my rage, I feel a different person speaking through me. "As if! Look who's losing, pal!" I gasp and clutch at my throat. Those weren't my words.

He laughs. "As if you need any more evidence where you belong. You're his Nobody, and you need to go back!" The attack resumes, and he knocks me over.

Suddenly I remember Axel. He would have been the safer option for me. Though I don't think he could ever have truly loved me back, he probably wouldn't have done this to me. But what's done is done, and I come back to myself as I hear Oblivion being slammed into the ground next to me.

Groaning as I haul myself up, I grab Oblivion, summon Oathkeeper once more, and soon defeat him.

He smiles. "I really didn't want to do this," he says, removing his blindfold. "Remember what I said about the power that lives inside me? I'm still afraid of it taking over, but I have to win this, no matter the cost."

Then he is someone else, someone that vaguely reminds me of Xemnas. He wraps a hand around my throat and raises me high, choking me until I drop Oathkeeper and Oblivion and pass out.

* * *

When I come to myself I am in front of a pod with memories of an existence I was not fully conscious for, a week in a Twilight Town that didn't really exist. Even without looking, I know who lies inside this strange device. I could feel my other a mile away.

So this is the one who Riku chose over me. This is Sora, the strange other who made me so strange.

The first thing I feel is hate. I loathe this boy, who even comatose wields power over the one I fell in love with. I detest this boy who gave himself to the darkness, creating me in the process.

I despise the one who couldn't have the decency to leave me without emotion like the other Nobodies.

But then I remember Riku. He got this look on his face whenever he thought of Sora. I could always tell. It was a look I knew he would never give me, a look of regret and longing all at once. Doesn't he deserve to get what he fought for, after all this time?

Part of me, the part curled whimpering in a corner of my mind, screams no. Riku hurt me, and I shouldn't give him what he wants.

But I love him. Despite it all, I can't help that.

Besides, if I fade into Sora like I should then I'll be a part of him. And as a part of Sora, I'll always be with Riku whether he remembers me or not. I will remember him, and I will be with him, and that is enough for me.

"Well," I whisper, smiling sadly as a single tear falls down my cheek in remembrance of what never could have been, "it looks like my summer vacation is over."

As I fade away, I feel nothing for a split second. It is a welcome sensation, I guess. But then I find myself sealed inside a heart. It is a large heart, and one full to bursting with emotions. I smile as I make myself at home. This is where I belong, in Sora's heart. I have faded and merged successfully, and I will always remember, even as I give Riku back his love.

I know I'll find a way to kick Sora's ass about all this someday, though. Just on general principles.

* * *

I finally find my way when Sora returns to the World that Never Was. This is a world of Nobodies, where Nobodies reign supreme, and because of it I find the strength to pull Sora from his friends into a place that does not truly exist on any world. It is where his heart was awakened, and the first place I went when I was created. Maybe that's why we end up here.

Before our fight begins, he looks at me and I stare right back. The gesture is somewhat lost, though, as I am wearing my hood and he can't really see me glaring. I can certainly see his confusion, though, especially when he notices my keyblade. Sorry to disrupt your comfort zone, Sora, but you're not the only one who can wield one of these. I can wield two, actually. Let me show you, I think as I summon a second one just for good measure. Then it begins.

We fight, and it is a long and hard battle. Whereas when I fought Riku we were nearly equal until the very end, Sora is my exact equal. Technically we are one and the same, after all. Still, I'm determined to land at least one hit on him, especially when he mistakes me for Riku.

Deciding a little taunting is in order, I inform him of Riku's initial defeat, neglecting to mention the defeat he handed me shortly after. He looks shocked and fumbles with his keyblade for a second. It is lucky for him we are on opposite sides of this platform.

Suddenly I can't take it anymore. "Why?!" I shout. "Why did he choose you?"

Sora doesn't understand, not just yet. But I feel better for it. As I hover over the platform for a moment, I really see it for the first time.

Sora is depicted on it in great detail, with Kairi and Riku by his side. It certainly seems like Sora is looking right at Riku, who then is looking away with an almost regretful expression.

Suddenly I get a glimpse into what their relationship must have been like, always wondering and never quite reaching an understanding. How could I deny Riku what he truly wants, when I see now that he never did quite get it to begin with? He was saving himself for this all along, and he still almost didn't get it. "I understand now," I say. Only the heart of the keyblade master could have formed such a strong bond that it could withstand the strain of all they've dealt each other.

Still, it feels really good when I knock Sora's keyblade out of his hand and trap it under one of mine. He reaches for it, though, and it returns to him, giving him an easy victory.

I pant for a moment to catch my breath, hands on my knees as my hood falls off. This was certainly a hard fight, and a very emotional one for me. It will take a while to recover, and I am glad for the healing nature of Sora's heart.

Knowing my time with Sora like this is up, I leave him with the cryptic remark, "You make a good other." And he does. I can't think of anyone I'd rather have as my other half. Sora is kind, brave, steadfast, and loving. He is everything Riku needs, and everything I could never quite be.

Now that I have confirmation of what I had really always known, I return to Sora's heart, to heal and to continue down the road to true understanding. Soon this battle will be reaching its climax, and Sora cannot have any conflict within his heart, or he won't ever make it back to Riku. What a waste that would be.

* * *

Despite Sora being the one in control now, it still takes Riku a while to get over the whole darkness thing and get back to Sora. I quietly watch from my space in Sora's heart as their reunion progresses.

Really, this is about the most bittersweet moment I've ever gone through. I may have given Riku back the one he loves, but that doesn't mean I ever stopped loving him myself. Sometimes I still wish it was me, and not Sora, even if I understand even better after finally getting around to fighting Sora and yelling at him for a little bit.

What I never took into account was the generosity of Sora's heart. Suddenly I find myself being coaxed out of hiding, bit by bit until I am the dominant one for the moment.

Riku stares at me with those lovely aqua eyes before smiling. "Hello, Roxas."

I feel joy like I've never felt it before. Riku's just acknowledged me as a separate personality, at the very least. "Hello," I say, trying and failing to keep the stupid grin off my face.

Life just keeps getting better, doesn't it? Next thing I know, he's hugging me. "I really am sorry, you know," he says, "about everything that happened."

He seems about to launch into a guilt-driven tirade like he does every so often to Sora in the memories I can access in Sora's heart. Well, we can't have that, so I place a finger to his lips. "I know," I say. "I understand." And I do, really.

Did he just kiss my finger? I'm not completely certain, but I'm reasonably sure he did. "Even why I pushed you away that time?"

My smile fades. It does still hurt a little. "You love him. I was just a means to get to that end."

"No," he says, holding me a little closer. "If I had stayed... this would have been good enough. We all needed Sora back, and I do love him. But I would have stayed, even though I knew it wasn't quite right. Plus, do you have any idea how disconcerting it is to meet a Nobody with emotions? You don't exactly run into those every day."

I have to laugh at that. It's true, after all, and everyone had always either discounted or ignored it.

Then for a moment of pure bliss he kisses me. I hold on and return it for a few moments, but I know I have to return to my rightful place. "I still love you," I say, "and I'm always there, in Sora's heart."

This time as I fade I know he is there and he loves me, even if it is just because I am part of Sora. And that is good enough.

_fin_


End file.
